


Frozen

by inatrice



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Introspection, M/M, Pining Shiro (Voltron), Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 13:51:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12300465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inatrice/pseuds/inatrice
Summary: -"We've discussed this before."The first time they talk about Shiro's inability to pilot Black.----HOW ABOUT THAT NYCC PANEL HUH?





	Frozen

**Author's Note:**

> WELCOME TO MY FIRST VOLTRON FIC. This is completely unbetad and literally was written in a fit of emotions over that clip. That Clip. I'm so stressed about season 4 y'all. We're in this together.

The lights on the observation deck were low. They always were, but at this point it seemed to be more of a comforting habit than anything. Nothing but the stars and the soft glow of the consoles. They were headed to what they had decided would be a friendly planet; sure there were Galra there but the hold was a lot weaker than most places. They could aid some potential allies and find a place to gather more supplies before they went back into the intergalactic war head on.

Shiro stood silently, he had been for the last two hours- vargas- whatever. His arms were crossed, just a bit too tight. As if he were holding himself together. His mind circled back to the battle, back to the heady rush of adrenaline that had flooded through him when Keith had encouraged him to get back into the Black Lion. And inevitably, that gutted feeling when she hadn't responded. There had been nothing, not even a niggling in the back of his head, of their old bond. His eyes lost focus, again, the room around him fading, before he dug his blunted fingernails into the flesh that remained of his arm.

_Stay here, stay centered._

Black had been such a good foothold. A solid and grounding presence as he struggled through episodes, through memories, through horrors no human had ever experienced nor should. He had latched onto her almost desperately. With her strength, he fell back into his Garrison ways easily enough. With the head of a giant space robot behind him, how could he not? Sure there was pressure and sure some days he had felt stretched so thin he was sure he was going to break, but at least the illusion that he was still a Garrison lieutenant made the role a bit easier to slip into. And eventually, with each bonding exercise, he could feel himself healing. He felt more like his old self. He felt like there was hope. Despite what had been done to him, despite the awful things he'd been forced to do, despite spending a year thinking every day would be his last, Black had accepted him. Black trusted him to be the leader, the soul of Voltron. He'd had purpose again. He found a drive that was more than just survive the next 24 hours.

Had she really sent him back into that pit of vipers only to let their bond be severed?

He had worked so hard, _so hard_ , to make sure he was worthy of the title of Paladin. To make sure he was still _good_ in their eyes. In _his_ eyes.

Despite the metal floor beneath him, Shiro felt like he was in free fall. Each star that passed the glass of the observation deck was just another thing slipping through his fingers.

He winced when he heard the door slide up. At least there was one thing that wouldn't change.

Keith's footsteps were nearly silent, they always had been for as long as Shiro had known him. Contrary to Keith's volatile emotions, Shiro had come to rely on him a solid presence as well. They had always brought out the best in each other, even back at the Garrison. But now Shiro was leaning on the younger man so heavily he couldn't help but wonder when he'd be shoved off and away just so Keith could _breathe_ for a while.

"Hey," Keith's voice was soft, an open offering of support. It twisted a guilty knife into Shiro's stomach.

"Hey," he responded after a few measured breaths.

Keith took a few more steps forward so that they were standing next to each other. He didn't look over and Shiro was grateful. He knew his face was an open book to Keith, he couldn't help it. There was a mask he wore for the sake of the others, carefully crafted and tirelessly repaired day in and day out. But it fell away from his face whenever he and Keith were alone, a chance for himself to breathe unrestricted for a few hours before going back to choking on his own hot breath.

They watched the stars go by in easy silence for a while until Keith shifted his weight and finally glanced over. "I think you should try again."

There it was. Shiro's eyes slid closed and his lips curled into a grimace. He fought off the urge to shake his head. "I can't, Keith."

"What are you talking about?" The younger man hissed, though he tried to keep his outrage restrained. He turned to Shiro with his palms up, his stance defensive. Shiro knew he would fight the universe to defend him, hell he _had been_. Keith would fight Shiro himself to advocate for him and, before, it had been the glimmering hope at the end of the tunnel. If someone so genuine as Keith could still believe in him then maybe he could believe in himself.

But now that belief just hurt.

This time, Shiro did shake his head. "I- I can't." He said again, feeling his throat close up. Trying again meant there was a chance to fail again. That his previous attempt at reconnecting with Black hadn't been a fluke. That his return to the Galra truly had broken every last good thing in him. The mere thought of that failure was too much to bear. He was sure it made him the worst kind of coward if he never tried again, but he was frozen in place. The fear of knowing that final nail in the coffin kept him glued to the floor.

"Shiro, you have to." Keith said, that fierce gentleness back in his voice. "I'm not just going to leave you here in the Castle. You're the leader we need."

"But not the one you deserve." It was Shiro's turn to hiss and Keith actually flinched away from him. It was subtle, but didn't that just prove it right there. Shiro slammed his eyes closed again and ran a hand over his face. He took a few more measured breaths hoping to bring back some semblance of control over himself. "You've grown so much while I was gone, _again_ ," Shiro continued once he could trust his voice again. "You're becoming as great as I always knew you would be, Keith." He turned and finally looked at his best friend. "And Allura is coming into her own as a pilot. She has more invested in this war than any of us and I'm not going to be the one to take her back off of the battle field. I'm not going to be the one to hold either of you back."

Keith frowned at him, hands balling into fists. "What about holding yourself back, Shiro? I can't stand by and let you sabotage yourself. Not after all the progress you've made. You have a place in this, too."

"Yeah, and it's here in the Castle." Shiro threw back at him, ignoring the stinging in his eyes. "You have to accept it, I have to accept it…." He cut himself off and bit his lips, making sure his voice wouldn't quiver at his next words. "The Lions have decided the new paths we have to take and we don't have a say in that."

Shiro went back to gazing out the windows while Keith just stared at him. He could feel as they silently echoed off of each other, that new hesitancy that was so different from when their friendship had first bloomed. Once they had begun to trust each other, proximity had become easier, everything had. But something else had grown between them just before he'd left for Kerberos. Shiro had been delirious with relief when he'd found it still there after his first return, but they had never had a moment to talk about it, to explore it.

And now here it lay between them just a fragile as everything else Shiro encountered since his second return. He was so afraid that if he even touched it, it would shatter and there would be nothing left between he and Keith other than a gaping hole. And if he were truly honest with himself, that would be his undoing. Keith was his last tie to home, his last tie to his humanity, but as they stood there he could feel that hole growing. This untouched _thing_ between them crackling as it stretched.

Keith stepped closer to him, trepidation painting his movements where it never had before. Shiro let himself be pulled into a hug and his eyes closed again. His head fell forward and onto Keith's shoulder and he found solace there just as he always did. He wrapped his arms around the younger man while Keith's fingers slid up into his hair, clutching him close and keeping him safe. Shiro knew how easy it would be to turn his head just a bit and press his lips to Keith's skin, so easy to just give in and let himself have _something_. But he still wasn't sure how Keith would react and the last thing he wanted to do was let their relationship become a liability rather than a place of strength for Keith. So he just stood there, the nature of his cowardice turning him to ice from the inside out.

"I'm so tired, Keith." He whispered, voice rough even though he had waited for the lump in his throat to pass before trying to speak again.

"I know," Keith comforted, one had tightening on the back of his head while the other began to rub circles on his back. "I know." And Keith did know. Three years ago had seen them in a similar situation only with their roles reversed. Garrison life was hard and chipped away at any weaknesses you had. Shiro had been Keith's strength then, hugging him close when it all got to be too much. When that bone deep exhaustion won out for a while. But Shiro had never shoved him into anything, only nudged him in the directions he already knew Keith could go. And now, it seemed Keith was returning the favor. "We'll give it some time." He continued. "Maybe Black just needs to adjust to the fact that you're back after the Paladin swap?"

Shiro fought off a sigh. "Maybe." He agreed, though his heart wasn't in it. He knew Keith could feel that but right now he didn't have the strength to do anything about it.

"Let's get some sleep." Keith suggested after another few silent moments. "We're going to need to put our best foot forward for this next planet."

"Yeah, okay." Shiro said, squeezing once before letting go.

Keith smiled up at him as his hands slid across Shiro's shoulders and back down to his sides. Shiro's heart twisted and he knew that Keith really was going to be a great leader with time. If he could just stay out of the way. Keith nodded towards the door and Shiro took in a deep breath as he was finally able to take a step forward.

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS FOR READING. I'm hoping to write more eventually. I can't believe this was what ended up getting posted first. Ah well. I'm on twitter @voidgay_ come cry with me.


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